i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
