Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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