i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
