stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
