Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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