Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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