I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
