She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We have started to decorate penises.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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