take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
