I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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