Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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