i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
