Plan B is the new Plan A
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
