If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
