Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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