You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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