dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
