So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
please come you make the beer taste better
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
