we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
