So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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