so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
