i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
