Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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