that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
