Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
