i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize