I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
