God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
