no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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