On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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