You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
