Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
this is an emotional support booty call
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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