just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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