Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
