What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
