He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
