I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
