I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
