Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
