We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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