After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
