You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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