Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The best revenge is premature balding
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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