No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The feeling are messing with the penis
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
