i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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