he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
