Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
