So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
