im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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