If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
