I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
