I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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