Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize