Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i dont even know how to be here
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
