Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
