My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
