i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
