Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
