Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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