just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
