I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
