oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
