i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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