hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
