I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
