he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
