I am puke
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
