you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
