I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
