i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
