An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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