if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
