the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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