we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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