i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
