if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
