Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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