tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
