OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
