A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
