this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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