in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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