A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
