is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
