I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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