My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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