My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
