and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize