Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
