My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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