I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
