Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dicks are not precious.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
