i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
