u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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