We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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