I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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