North Korea, Best Korea!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
there is glitter all over my balls
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