Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
