Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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