Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
